TOP 10 TV CHARACTERS Yey! Lists RULE! Here is my contribution to the Joss Whedon inspired ' Favourite TV Characters' list-o-mania currently sweeping Blog World (dig Marie, Stu_N, Lisa R). You will notice in my list: a pre-dominance of American males. You will also notice: a lack of British people. And women. Apart from Terri Hatcher, who is included as an example of a 'hottie.' Which is appalling. Honorable mentions must also go to Jack Gellar (Friends), The Movie Geek Kid From Northern Exposure Who Looked Like One Of The Ramones (Northern Exposure), Earl Hickey (My Name Is Earl) and Zammo (Grange Hill), I could easily have included these and I know everybody else has chosen 20-25 characters but I got bored.

THIS LIST IS FILMED BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE

.1. HOMER SIMPSON - The Simpsons
"Oh, yeah, but have you seen Family Guy?" Yes.

.2. COOKIE MONSTER - Sesame Street
Because stupid, compulsive, self defeating, habitual behaviour is the essence of so much great comedy- see above. And Monsterpiece Theatre was my earliest exposure to Anerican school of satire. (Could have also chosen from Sesame Street: the "Yup Yup Yup Yupyupyupyup!" aliens, Grover, Oscar The Grouch, that guy who made sound effects with his mouth and The Count. But not Elmo. Elmo's a dick.)

.3. DYLAN THE RABBIT -The Magic Roundabout
Only students and Justin Lee Collins think there is any value in the meanspirited, jaded, clever-clever activity of discussing the sex / drugs metaphors supposedly contained in 'retro' kids TV shows of a "Mr Ben was a CROSSDRESSING CRACK ADDICT! nature, and mostly this sort of thing is nothing but repulsive wrong-headedness. The Magic Roundabout, however, genuinely contained a counter-culture, subversive streak a mile wide, and remains the only childrens TV series which one can describe as 'like being ON ACID' without being a complete jerk. Dylan The Rabbit is the coolest TV character ever. He's a guitar playing rabbit. Based on Bob Dylan. He's a guitar playing rabbit based on Bob Dylan, who is stoned the entire time and communicates when not sleeping in a lazy beatnik vernacular punctuated by mumbled '...mans' and 'likes.' What a wonderful, smart show, and what a phenonemal character. "I'm a rabbit who sleeps. I'm not the hopping kind."

.4. Sam Beckett - Quantum Leap
Travelling from life to life, putting right what once went wrong. Fundementally Quantum Leap is a very sad show; Sam Beckett is a man destined to spend the rest of his days thanklessly correcting other people's lives for the better at the expense of his own, his memories of home and his loved ones are twisted and eroded, his identity & sense of self slowly being erased. By the end of the last series, Sam is beginning to understand that the only way out of this hell is probably just to WANT OUT with all his being - but Sam is a good man, the best of men, and while there are still wrongs to be righted, both Sam & we know that he will not find it in himself to let those people down. It is a painful irony. The final words of the final episode read simply: 'Sam Beckett never returned home'. And how sad is that?

.5. Lois Lane - New Adventures Of Superman
Uh, did someone say HOTTIE? (See also: Top 10 Hot Babes I Dug When I Was 17 - Agent Dana Scully, Kelly from Saved By The Bell, Jet from Gladiators, that woman from Buck Rogers, my English Lit teacher Miss Mitchell from who made me a tape cassette compilation of The Smiths, etc).

.6. Johnnie Chochran - The OJ Simpson Murder Trial
Charismatic defence lawyer type with a great line in Don King style bombast and a barrel full of snappy one liners. "If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit." Great material. (Could have also have chosen from The OJ Simpson Murder Trail: Judge Lance Ito, Special Trials Unit District Attorney Marcia Clark or jury consultant to the Simpson defence team Jo-Ellan Dimitrius. Timeless characters.)

.7. Norm - Cheers (NORM!)
SAM: What'd you like, Norm?
NORM: A reason to live. Gimme another beer.
It's funny because his life is so devoid of meaning that he's going to kill himself if he doen't get a beer! Cheers was an exceptionally dark show, a show about losers, losing. Norm is the King Of Losers, the Sam Beckett of bar flies, trapped in a self imposed limbo, his brain 'swiss cheesed' by Boston's finest draught beer. On one hand highly complex, on the other pure zen simplicity: I Drink, Therefore I Am. I coulda chosen Cliff, Coach, Woody or Fraiser, but if I gotta pick one, I pick Norm, a character carrying an emotional weight heavier even than his substantial beer gut.

.8. Ross Gellar - Friends
Yeah, that's right. Ross from Friends. Pretentious hipsters can sneer at Friends all day long, and the really prerentious hipsters can sneer 'oh, uh, I mean, sure, I don't mind Friends, but of course the real star is Lisa Kudrow...' (which is a cliche of 'I like Empire Strikes Back best' proportions) all day long too, the fact is if you have any interest in US sit-coms and can't see Friends for the unqualified triumph of ensemble acting and ensemble writing that it so patently is then I'm sorry but you ain't nothing but a stone chump, fer sure if you wanna discuss nineties US comedy there are arguments to be made for Seinfeld, Larry Sanders & Fraiser, and I can understand that people get fed up with it being on telly so damn much, and that it represents to some the Ikea / Starbucks Globalised Blanding Of A Generation (something the show addresses on a number of occasions through Pheobe's wrestling with her lefty ideals), and there are cats who consider this very traditional US sit-com to be awful outdated in this post-Office / Curb 'gritty' 'natural' non-laughter track non-gag orientated world, and I'm sorry it isn't all angry & bitter & spiteful & non-mainstream like real comedy is, right...but, y'know, get over it, whydoncha?

The Genius Of David Schwimmer: it's a minor exchange, but it's one of my faves.
Ross enters a costume hire store. A young store hand greets him cheerfully.
Shop guy: Hello, sir! You here to return those pants?
Ross: (indignent, confused) No...these are my pants.

Tradition would dictate that you place the emphasis on 'my,' Schwimmer places it on 'pants.' Every member of the principle Friends cast (yes, perhaps especially Kudrow) was capable of doing unpredictable, vastly creative things with their lines without breaking a sweat as a matter of course, and ultimately it is this which sets them apart from most other sit-com casts. I've chosen Schwimmer because I think he's over-looked, and because of the six I identify with Ross closely - elder brother with younger sister as sibling, spent time in college making 'wordless sound poems' on his keyboard, has been in love with same girl since high school, likes dinosaurs, Fatboy Slim & comics...he can do the robot...a paleontologist who works out. He is, indeed, like Indiana Jones.

.9. Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce (M*A*S*H)
Alan Alda For President! Vote Alda in '08!

.10. Alex Reiger (Taxi)
Judd Hirsch For For Vice President! Vote Hirsch in 'o8! Imagine the Democrat Alda / Hirsch ticket! It can't fail!

YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHING (in order of appearence...)

Labels: Television

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