THE Q AWARDS! I mean, who cares, right? Who even knew this celeb back-slappingpalooza was happening today? (Apparently it was held at "London’s" Grosvenor House Hotel.) The thing is: what does it matter in 2007 what Q Magazine thinks about anything? Back in the mid-90s Q was a reasonably entertaining rag, well written, funny, never cool per se, but had a certain sardonic charm and as long as there was a decent interview with Noel Gallagher you were pretty happy. In 2007 Q Magazine is basically one long advert for i-tunes, lazily churning out arbitrary ALL TIME TOP 100 GREATEST ROCK SONGS YOU MUST DOWNLOAD (from i-tunes) lists, endless Dave Grohl interviews and throwing Snow Patrol albums 5 star reviews. It is the Bible Of Bland. I don't even know who it's aimed at anymore. £50 Bloke buys Uncut. Klaxons Kid buys The NME. Still Buys Vinyl..uh...Guy reads Mojo. So who reads Q Magazine? Who cares what Q Magazine thinks? And what, therefore, is the value of a Q Award? A top musician getting a Q Award is like a top chef getting a Wimpy Award.

....so, Kylie won the Q Icon Award. With all due respect to Ms Minogue, this was a cynical exploitation of her tabloid column inches grabbing potential, and nothing to do with whatever baloney they span about Kylie's post-Cancer recovery determination to re-launch her career, or, y'know, her music, which has been brilliant on occasion (Slow, Confide In Me) and deserving of recognition in it's own right. As it happens I think Kylie deserves every award going, good luck to her, rather her than the relentlessly dull Manic Street Preachers (Q Magazine stalwarts) who - yawn - won Best Track for "Your Love Alone Is Not Enough," a song which said less about 2007 than the Beaux Tapestry, or The Enemy (Best New Act), who are just plain godawful, and ugly as sin to boot.

Elsewhere, The Arctic Monkeys, Kaiser Chiefs, Damon Albarn and Ian Brown won awards for various contributions to mainstream indie-rock, Kate Nash & Amy Winehouse picked up awards for actually producing decent pop music ( I know I'm in a minority with this Kate Nash thing, all my mates hate her, but I think she's just fine), Paul McCartney was granted 'Icon' status, because it's a rule that Paul McCartney has to win something at every Q Awards, and Muse won Best Live Act, because it's a rule that Muse win Best Live Act at every awards show, even at non-music award shows like the Booker Prize or The Kings Lynn Annual Sunflower Growing Contest. (For the record, I hate Muse.)

Finally, dig this: The Q Classic Song Award went to...'Local Boy In The Photograph'. By The Stereophonics. I mean, you gotta be kidding me. They pick one song to be The Q Classic Song every year. ONE SONG. There's millions of great songs in the world. Billions. And they choose this, an average late 90s rock song by a band who have never been any good, ever. I mean, shit, why doncha just go ahead and pick The Verve's 'Urban Hymns' as the Q Classic Album and have done with it...oh. You already have. (For the record, I love their first two LPs.) This all gives you some idea of where Q are at in 2007; they're in 1998. And nobody likes 1998. (Paul Fuzz)

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