Paul Fuzz Presents: Flew In From Miami Beach BOAC
Doctor Whoapalooza: Jumping The Shark, Jumping The Gun, or Jumping On The Bandwagon
Oh, man. You won't stop 'em now. They've tasted blood. The Great Blogosphere Gold Rush has begun. The Cannonball Run of I Knew It Sucked Before You Knew It Sucked. Everybody likes to shout 'Backlash!' in a crowded theatre. Like I said here before: the only thing better than liking something cool before other people, is not liking something cool before other people
. You think I'm kidding? Aw, you oughta try it sometime. Yeah, do it! Take a random pot-shot a something! Pick a sacred cow...now slaughter it. Yeah, hack it down! With a vengence! Take that, The Simpsons! Take this, The Mighty Boosh! Suck on that, Lennon/McCartney! Personally I beat on Orson Welles every chance I get! "What, Citizen Kane? Suh-ucks.
You wanna watch a real
movie about a sledge, I got two words for you: Cool. Runnings." Yeah, you gotta get down with yo' bad self! You gotta get your backlash on! Feels good, don't it? But you gotta get in there fast. Second ain't nowhere, 'cos hitching a ride on the bandwagon is for squares, you dig? You gotta take a chance. Make a call, a split second decision: Has This Show Jumped The Shark
Look, I'll straight with you. I don't know a damn thing about Doctor Who, 'cept my sister digs it the mostest, he wears nice baseball sneakers, the girl who did 'Because We Want To' used to be in it but then she split - which was some sorta big deal 'cos all you cats dug her so much and the Doctor loved her and 'Honey To The Bee' was actually an OK song, like a slighty more pop / less RnB All Saints etc - and she's like a serious acting talent now or whatever, and I've probably seen about, what, half a dozen episodes, half of which I thought were really neat and the other half of which - ie the new series that everybody's getting crazy about 'round these parts - just kinda wasted my precious time, to quote Bobby Dylan. I don't have much emotional investment in the Doctor Who thing. But what I'm really
digging is Doctor Whoapalooza, the blogosphere debate surrounding the recent Dalek two-parter...momentary lapse, or...SHARK JUMP..the frenzied rush by some to be the first on their block to send up a "DOCTOR WHO HAS JUMPED THE S"
distress flare, while other, more cautious, souls call for calm and restraint, keeping the faith, "it'll be ok, it's just a phase ..."
Joe Backlash Blog: (credits still rolling) "WORST WHO
EVER! IT'S ALL OVER, PEOPLE! TIME OF DEATH: RIGHT NOW! I'M STATING IT HERE, FIRST, FOR PROSPERITY, AND HISTORY WILL BARE ME OUT: DOCTOR WHO HAS...JUMPED. THE. SHARK
! BOOM! DID IT AGAIN! BOW BEFORE JOE BACKLASH, PROPHET OF COOL, HUMAN BAROMETER OF WHAT IS HOT AND WHAT IS NOT!"
Joe Apologist Blog: "This is perhaps somewhat rash. You've gotta give it a second chance. I think your assessment is a little premature."
Joe Backlash:"Premature...or MIND BOGGLINGLY ZEITGEISTY ?"
Joe Apologist: "Premature."
Joe Backlash: "Exactly the sort of thing somebody who's too slow to accurately assess the pop culture climate would say. ZING!
Hey, loser! I got my bangwagon right here! Why doncha jump on it?! Oh, and another thing: The Arcade Fire? SUH-HUCK!"
(I don't know how to do 'links', I'm a writer not a scientist goddamit, but for what it's worth, I've been particularly enjoying Anna Waits, Rob Buckley, Marie 'Struggling Author', Lisa Rullsenberg and Mitch Benn's contributions to Doctor Whoapalooza.)
Things I Like # 1: The Velvet Underground
The Velvet Underground
Forever and ever, The Velvet Underground. Art-rock kiddies, this is your bench mark. Listen to ‘Sister Ray’ or (my current fave rave) the bootleg instrumental mix of The Gift (unparalled dirge-funk, like a stoned Meters) and recognise you ain’t ever
gonna beat this. (That’s a challenge. I know you can do it really!). This is The Gold Standard of dope fiend pop-art New York NOISE.
.1. The Velvet Underground & Nico
Phallic pop-art bananas! Germanic death-pop! Screeching Lamonte Young avant-garde viola insanity! What drugs sound like! The best debut LP of all time!
.2. White Light / White Heat
Not white at all! Black as hell! Like being crushed by a New York subway train! And loving it! Kill all hippies! The definitive anti-production production! Top 10 LP of all time!
.3. The Velvet Underground
The calm after the storm! Really quiet, muffled songs about Jesus and salvation and hope and all sortsa un-Velvety, but, like, TOTALLY VELEVTY stuff like that! Genuinely, heartbreakingly wonderful!
‘Cos, it’s like, LOADED with hits, yeah
? Actual, ‘normal’ rock ‘n’ roll songs! Commercial, even! FM radio! Some stuff that sounds like Creedence Clearwayer Revival! Which is a good thing!
Currently reading: “All Yesterdays Parties: The VU in Print 1966-1971,” awesome collection of contemporary reviews, interviews, promotional material and wild theorising on The Velvets, including – Natch – The Man Who Based An Entire Journalistic School Around His Deathless Obession With The Velvet Underground – His Holy Saint Lester Of Bangs. Main attraction for my dollar is abundance of super-hip Warhol / Exploding Plastic Inevitable period stuff, the kinda stuff which all comes off like Tom Woolfe Sunday supplement-lite (a compliment), plus a v. cool song-ography at the back listing all sortsa super-obscurities like, ‘oh, yeah, you gotta hear the August 17th 1967 Max’s Kansas City version of Sister Ray, it’s 3 hours long yadda yadda yadda.’
An evening spent with the incredible, Ultimate Velvets Bible 5CD ‘Peel Slowly And See’ Boxset on your stereo and a copy of this (and maybe a copy of oral VU history ‘Uptight’) and you’ve got yourself a party, boy howdy!
Signs Of The End Days #1: That New Mika Song
God knows I've heard some appalling records in my time, but this is really something else. I figured the worst consequence of the Scissor Sisters crossover camp pop/disco/credibility success would be Orson. Never in my darkest nightmares could I have forseen the horror of the new Mika record. I've heard modem dial up noise less abrasive than this mindless sub-Leo Sayer dirge. Note to record companies: Scissor Sisters sold a billion records 'cos they write good songs and have something of an off-Broadway edge to them. Replicating their success is not simply a case of paying some fool with an afro to screech over a re-heated disco beat like Freddie Mercury with his balls in a vice.
Channel Surfing: Paul Fuzz Has A Night In
CHANNEL SURFING - What I Watched Last Night, In OrderDeal Or No Deal:
The 'Pilgrims' (audience) gather once more in the 'Dream Factory' (Deal Or No Deal Studio) to witness another 'brave' (greedy) contestant come to the 'Crazy Chair' (Chair) via the 'Walk Of Wealth' (walk of wood) and hopefully 'Beat The Banker' (select boxes in arbitary manner). A format more flawed it it impossible to imagine - on so many levels, the show simply DOES NOT WORK - and yet despite it irritating me to distraction DOND remains compulsive, entertaining stuff. I actually think Noel is a pretty great presenter, worth a hundred Fern Cottons, and is someone who, for better or worse, clearly believes that being a good TV presenter (and not just a celeb) is a really important job.Friends:
Chachi, Richie, Joanie and Pinkie Tuscadero get out of their depth when Fonzie enlists the gang in a surfing contest.The Simpsons:
Chief Wiggum, with a rabbit -
"Behold, the Esquilax: a horse, with the body of a rabbit...and the head...OF A RABBIT! ('Esquilax' escapes:) Oh look, he's galloping away!" Galloping
away. The difference between a good gag and a great gag.Futurama:
Oh, man. Was very excited about this 'cos it starred The Harlem Globetrotters - who I've always dug the mostest - as basketball playing aliens from the Globetrotter homeworld. The Harlem Globetrotters had the coolest names in the world: Goose Tatum, Curly Neal, John 'Jumpin Johnny' Cline and MEADOWLARK LEMON, the most awesomest name ever...plus they had all sortsa sweet-ass skills.News 24:
Fatality count at Virginia Tech massacre rises from 22 to 32 as I peer at wobbly mobile phone footage of beseiged campus, listen to vague commentary, shake head at state of world etc...University Challenge: THE FINAL!
It's the Anti-Deal Or No Deal
Woo! Manchester (Defending champs!) vs Warwick (my old University!) The captain of Manchester looked like a character from Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels
: "It's facking 'Romeo & Juliet,' you nonce!".
I got one question right (picture round: identified John Kerry). Warwick won, but I thought they pushed their luck with the whole 'we're in the lead so lets take as long as we can deliberating over each answer' thing. Anne Widecome presented them with a big piece of glass. These kids have soul crushing debts to pay off! They don't need glass. Hey, nerds! You shoulda gone on Deal Or No Deal! You can win tens of thousands of pounds in half an hour through sheer luck on that show! And you guys have been slogging it out for weeks just to get some piece of glass! You got stiffed!The Daily Show - Global Edition:
I watch The Daily Show for one reason: I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Yankophile, and The Daily Show offers me 20+ minutes of pure American comedy/political entertainment & news unfiltered & direct, featuring an ever changing cast of political figures & pop culture references which keeps me up to date on what's happening in that part of the world. The Daily Show -Global Edition is, as far as I'm concerned, an oxymoron - I don't want a version of the show which has been edited to be more palatable to non-US audiences. If I don't know who Scooter Libby is, that's my problem, I'm happy to pick it up as I go along. That said, while not happy with The Global Edition, very happy, as ever, to watch Mr Stewart Do His Thang, and the proper Daily Show will be on tomorrow.The Day After Tomorrow:
Oh, man! Now the Statue Of Liberty is under water! Now New York is flooded and there's a big ship floating down 5th Avenue! This is the greatest! Oh, man! Why won't the evil Cheney style Vice-President listen to the clever scientist guy? That Cheney guy is a dick! Now they're evacuating Americans INTO Mexico in some sorta supreme reverse immigration style irony! Now it's really snowy! How come that girl fancies that posh guy and not Jake Gyllenhall? Jake Gyllenhall is THE COOLEST! He's like Toby Maguire, only WAY COOLER! Oh, man! Now there's a buncha wolves or something!
...and to bed.